On the surface, it seems pretty straight forward. Dad left mom and immediately started partying; initially drinking, eventually using meth. Mom thought by proving she was the same girl he fell in love with 10 years earlier he would come back. He didn’t. He sunk deeper and deeper into alcohol and drug use and abuse and eventually began distributing drugs himself. She followed like a child begging for the love of a parent. Seemingly unaware of the damage she was doing to her life and her own children.
But that’s not where it actually started. The beginning of this nightmare started before my daughter’s birth, before my birth, and probably even before my mother was born. Family dysfunction passed down from generation to generation until it reached my daughter, and she wasn’t able to smile through the pain and pretend to be fine when life got too hard.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Pain travels through families until someone is ready to feel it.” Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for future generations, that someone who chose to feel the pain is me.
The skeletons that have been released in our family are horrid, the pain excruciating, but we keep going, keep trusting that God will turn this story into something that will be useful or positive in some way.
I’ve decided to share my story so you will know that you aren’t alone.
Please believe me when I say that I know what keeps you awake at night and what nightmares wake you from sleep. As I write this, my daughter, my firstborn baby, is sitting in jail awaiting federal sentencing and has accepted a plea deal of 10 years. Her now ex-husband is in federal prison, sentenced to eight years for drug and weapon-related charges. My husband and I have adopted two of my three grandchildren. Our journey is not easy, but we believe God has a plan.
I want to give you hope. Hope that the future isn’t as dark as it feels, hope that you will smile again and life will feel normal again. I honestly never thought I would feel “normal” again, but I do. And with God’s love and grace, you also can and will find your joy again. Life will never look the same, but sometimes that isn’t completely bad if we are honest with ourselves.
I love Proverbs 17:6. Our grandchildren are our precious jewels!
Have you found yourself in a similar situation, raising grandchildren or the children of a relative? I would love to hear from you! You can contact me at GrandmaLaura@ourgranddaze.com
Thanks for your blog, nice to read. Do not stop.